Soul Society Exposed!
by dominusalthus
Summary: One boring afternoon was all it took for Ichimaru Gin and Urahara Kisuke to lash out all the juiciest secrets of soul society. Now that Aizen is gone, there's nothing left to do but gossip. Oneshot series.  Humor/Crack, Gin & Urahara duo.  Not Yaoi
1. Day 1: Ichigo tells Byakuya's Secret

**Gin and Kisuke Special: Soul Society's Secrets Exposed!**

_By dominusalthus_

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**Chapter 1: Ichigo reveals Byakuya's Secret!**

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Kisuke Urahara and Ichimaru Gin were both on the shop, sitting comfortably as they were drinking some tea. Both of them now are both exiles of Soul Society, the latter being cast away after Aizen Sousuke's defeat. It was another boring after noon, and aside from scaring unwary human costumers away, there was nothing left to do so Gin asked Urahara to do something that could make their day productive.

Across them was the hero of the century, Kurosaki Ichigo, wearing a puzzled expression. He scratched his head finding a good answer for the question that the two men asked him.

"Eh..." He gulped on his tea, still having a thoughtful look which was seldom seen from him. "Secrets?"

"Hai." Ichimaru flashed a smile that was supposed to be friendly but gave the other the creeps. "'Bout Rukia-chan, perhaps?"

Ichigo felt his face heat up and his right hand jerked up to scratch his head. "Well... I have nothing... really."

"Oohh! Well then," Urahara gave him a dark grin and his behind his fan. "Maybe Kuchiki-san's secrets _involves_ you? Busy with other things?"

"No! Of course not!" Ichigo growled at the filthy man and munched angrily on the cookies on the table. Why did he ever agree into this when he was fully aware that these two were of the same, perverted, explicit, hentai types just like his father?

Mental Note: Stay away from maniacs or you'll end up just like them.

"How about her Byakuya nii-sama?" Gin once again interrupted Ichigo's train of thoughts with his polite accent.

"Eh-" Ichigo paused. He was talking to two of the most annoying ex-shinigamis in exile, and probably, if would be really _interesting_ if he said something about Byakuya that could be the next day's headline if Soul Society had a news paper of their own. He dug on his memory, trying to find some details with his dreaded arch-enemy.

The light bulb went on suddenly. "Byakuya! I know one of his secrets!"

"Really?" Ichimaru and Urahara leaned closer to Ichigo to open their ears. What could be the secret of a stone-faced nobility like Byakuya?

Urahara giggled like a fan girl, a sly smile forming on his face. "I bet he have other kenseikan on his _body_."

"Yaaa!" Gin clapped his hands and sipped from his cup. This was definitely a great way to remove boredom out of their systems. "Byakuya-taichou would surely be happy if he hears about this."

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-FLASHBACK, ICHIGO'S POV-

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Rukia began, eager to ask Byakuya about this highly ridiculous topic that Ukitake-san gave her for the community report in monthly shinigami news. "Nii-sama, what's the most humiliating thing that happened between you and your vice-captain?"

Byakuya paused from stamping his paper works then slowly turned his head towards his sister with a blank expression. "What kind of question is that?"

Rukia pursed her lip after being threatened by her brother, so I decided to step in. "Hey, Byakuya, come on, don't be such a baby-"

"I am not. A Baby. Kurosaki Ichigo." He said on a monotone, though I could feel the acid on it, bubbling and slowly creeping towards me. "Beings such as yourself should learn how to respect those who are higher than you."

"Well then, could you please tell us, Kuchiki-_taichou_?" I almost coughed when I said the 'T' word. I wasn't used to call him this (it's not like I don't respect him, but I'm just entertained every time his brow twitches when I call him by his first name). Sometimes I wonder how Renji could call him with all of his reverence. But then again, it's Renji, and probably his level of intelligence is no less than a 3 year-old dog.

"..." He threw me a glare through his peripheral, looked at Rukia's face, then back to me.

"Please, nii-sama!" Rukia bowed as the moron looked down on her as if she were a foot rest.

"Souka. I shall tell it."

"Really? Thanks nii-sama!"

"Well..." he puts down the papers and leans slightly towards us on his desk. "It was atrocious." He gave a chagrin and I was taken aback. Never did I see him react that much. Then I imagined Renji; man, so he was _that_ horrible to actually make 'the' Byakuya grimace. I am starting to regret this whole thing, being terrified for myself. I'd reckon Rukia hesitated in continuing too, but _she_ had to do this for the shinigami work diaries section of their news paper.

"How was it?" I continued, being slightly amused by his sudden show of emotions. "What did he do?"

"... He... Abarai Renji..." He shrugged and looked somewhat uncomfortable in remembering that fateful day. Obviously, he was having some difficulties in remaining as stone-faced. I stifled a snigger that was forming on my throat. "That bastard—he was drunk... and he insisted on working. He was actually laughing aloud inside the manor that I could hear him meters away, and then he went on scaring off the maids and some lower-ranked shinigamis."

"Then? What's catchy in that—"

"Shut up Ichigo! Don't interrupt nii-sama!" Rukia slammed one of Byakuya's book on my head to keep my silence. I obliged, since I was interested on how terrible this was for the mighty Byakuya-boy.

"..." The Kuchiki-clan leader sent us both a death glare making us shiver. Dang, this one could really give you a cold shoulder. "Moving on, I immediately dismissed him since he rakes too much that the stench fills the manor, and I had a clan meeting to go to. I believed he followed my orders so I didn't check if he really stopped besmirching this place, but then somewhere, I heard him laughing aloud again. i just ignored it since I know he'd pass out sooner or later because of alcohol."

"So you could be kind after all?"

"Keep your mouth shut if you do not have any useful talking to do, kozo." He snapped at me as he was slowly losing his cool. He looked onto his sister who gave him a shy and quiet nod. Seriously, I really wonder how psychos could communicate with one another just as effective as this. Maybe when they were left alone they'd draw portrait of each other out of love, mostly consisted of horrible enormously eared rabbits and sickly green stuff resembling ambassador veggies.

I shrugged. I had to focus to Byakuya if I didn't want to be taken away in a world of fancies. "Anyhow... I just found out what he did to cause him too much _joy_."

Rukia slammed a palm at her nii-sama's desk eagerly. "What's did that bastard do, nii-sama?"

"After going to the clan meeting, I uh... uhm..." He grabbed one end of his scarf and covered half of his face with it. However, my view wasn't completely obstructed, so I caught a glimpse of his face before he concealed it under the expensive piece of cloth-was it just me, or I saw Byakuya blushing?

"I sat into my chair and went on with the paperwork." He continued with his voice slightly muffled. "One of the maids called me, acknowledging a message from Yamamoto-taichou, however..." he paused and became still, and I had the impression that he didn't want to share the next things that happened. He actually tried to open his mouth more or like seven times and he just got to blurt it out with the last one.

"...I found myself... glued on my chair. I had to blast it off of me."

"N-nani?" Both of us gasped upon receiving Byakuya's revelation, although my face is in fact tainted with a wide grin. At this point I almost had the urge to hug Rukia for this wonderful idea! Byakuya actually blasted the chair out of his butt! How did he ever manage to do that!

I looked over to his face, and it was turning blue like he was not breathing at all. Maybe because he was trying to hold back the humiliation on his face, still being the mighty clan leader. What a poser he was!

My throat felt very itchy while I held onto a laugh that I'm trying to suppress, but then the look in Byakuya's face is just so... _charming_ to be ignored.

Sorry, but…

"BWAHAHAHAHA—GLUED! CAN'T IMAGINE—RIDICULOUS—BLASTED OFF YOUR BUTT IN THE DAMN CHAIR—HAHAHAH!" Even I couldn't make sense of what I was saying and all I knew I was rolling on the floor and laughing my ass off. I could only imagine that precious expression that Byakuya had in his face the moment he knew he was stuck onto his chair. If Renji only had planned to capture the moment with a digicam, I'd entirely volunteer mine.

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-END OF FLASHBACK-

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"Wha' happened next?" Ichimaru opened his eyes out of curiosity, Urahara rolling on the floor and laughing aloud on the background. "How did ya ever make it alive out o' there?"

"Well," Ichigo scratched his face, shrugging. "He chased me with his Senbonzakura on Bankai. I guess he still hasn't forgiven me on that. Anyhow, Kenpachi saw me running around. He actually thought that I was playing with Byakuya so he decided to join and challenged Byakuya inside the manor. I immediately seized the chance to grab Rukia out of there and got on the Senkaimon."

"What about the journal?"

"No it wasn't published, not really. Byakuya talked—I mean scared the shit out of Ukitake-san so the topic was changed. The bastard requested that the journal should be about what a substitute shinigami does. Of course her sister happily obliged and drew freaking rabbit versions of me and everyone."

"Wooh." Urahara stood up and composed himself, holding his small notebook. "That was fascinating. I never knew Byakuya-boy could tell that to you."

"Will you publish that or something?" Ichigo's eyes glinted in anticipation. He knew that Byakuya would know right away that he was the culprit, but he didn't care since he was out here in the living world. He wouldn't waste so much time in killing him for just a trivial matter.

"We'll think about it." Ichimaru and Urahara gave each other knowing stares that only people like Kyoraku Shunsui could decode.

"Oh, okay—" Ichigo looked outside and saw there were many pink petals that caught his attention. "Cherry blossoms? When did you...?"

"Yo?" Urahara gave a pondering expression and looked outside then to Ichigo. "That's strange, we do not have Sakura trees here."

Meanwhile,

"Taichou?" Renji had just finished putting the remaining stacks of paper on the floor near Byakuya's desk, but he seemed bothered when he heard the captain sneeze for the fifth time already. "Are you alright?"

Byakuya slowly lifted his gaze from the documents and gave the vice-captain the coldest stare that he could ever muster, then gave him a dismissive nod. Apparently he still couldn't forget what this babooned face did to him years ago.

"But Why are you sneezing like hell-" Renji paused, realizing that Byakuya's eyes was still focused to him like he was a target to shoot. This was definitely Code Red. These were the times when Byakuya recounts his experiences with a drunk Renji, and it was definitely a time not to mess up with him.

Was it even the anniversary of the fateful day? _Dang, _Renji thought. _I haven't looked on my calendar yet. As of the moment… _

"I'll leave taichou! Have a nice day!"

Byakuya resorted to stamping the papers after watching Renji nervously shunpoed out of his office. So the baboon did know that he was thinking about the incident? Did he had that nauseated, repulsive look on his face that was not fit for clan leaders?

_Holy shit if that's the case. _

…Then he sneezed aloud again. Time to get rid of the source of his allergies.

_A bunch of bastards are talking about-no, laughing at me again. No one laughs at a noble like me._ Byakuya straightened on his seat and grabbed the hilt of his zanpakuto.

"Bankai." Thousand of cherry blossoms erupted from the floor where the dropped Senbonsakura. The shiny orbs _flew_ outside the manor, already had their target acquired. At content, he sniffed and continued what he was supposed to do with a twitch of an evil grin on his face.

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Next chapter: Ikkaku and Yumichika reveal Kenpachi's secrets!

**Author's Notes: I just tried the crack genre. Tell me what you think.**

**XD **

**Anyhow, I'll be uploading the other chapters of my other stories as well, so keep posted. ^^**


	2. Day 2: A Large Zit & Lots of Balls

**Ichimaru Gin and Urahara Kisuke Special: **

**Soul Society's Secrets Exposed!**

_By dominusalthus

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**Author's Notes: **I really enjoyed writing the first chapter, so I was really excited to writing this one. More made-up stories and one funny experience form another of the Gotei 13 captains—Urahara and Gin are just unstoppable at doing this. Read, Enjoy, then review!

**Disclaimer: I forgot to include this last chapter, so I'm doing it now: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

**WARNING: Gin and Urahara are talking about 'balls' in a part of this story, but don't worry, it isn't what you think it is. Just read to the end and you'll understand what I mean. *winks*

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**Chapter 2: A Large Zit and Lots of Balls

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It was a fine day, and Toushiro had just finished going through the approval papers submitted to him. Normally, it was consisted of gibberish talk that just gave him stress. As a routine, after his early morning tasks, he walks by the large mirror inside his office and checks if he, well, moves up the gauge.

"Goodness. Half-inch? I've slept more than 70 hours this week and just half an inch?" He shook his head in dismay as the frown lines appeared on his face. The guy had a point though, he'd been doing nothing but sleep on his free time, but it still wasn't effective. Maybe he should have taken the growth booster that Mayuri was offering him, but it was a very big risk since it was experimental, and nobody had the idea which part of him would _grow _if something went wrong.

He slightly stretched, projecting the ideal height he must obtain. Then something itchy caught his attention.

"What the—this—" He paused, his mouth slightly opened in shock. Like this couldn't be happening to him. This might be some kind of horror. _Oh no._ He checked again, now standing closer to the mirror. But _it _was still there. This wasn't just hallucination.

A large zit was ripening on Toushiro Hitsugaya's forehead, just below his hair line.

_NOOOOOO! _He screamed inwardly, both of his palms on his mouth to cover whatever sound would come out. He must do something. No one should see him undergoing the difficulty of this almost half-a-lifetime puberty. Maybe cut it with scissors? No, of course not, it would bleed and scar his face for life! What should he do!

"Taichou!" A woman's voice entered the outer hall. _Matsumoto! _Toushiro almost jumped. If the woman would see this, she'd surely taunt him for life. No way.

"Shut it!" Toushiro shouted as he grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled it down to cover the zit. Great. Like no one would notice his sudden change of style.

"Taichou? Angry much?" The largely boobed shinigami appeared on the door way, of course, boob-first.

"Who wouldn't be? You are so loud." He snapped at her, although he was nervous that Matsumoto would actually find out. _Please don't notice… Please… Please—_

"Oh! Something's different about you!" Matsumoto clapped and leaned closer to his face with narrowed eyes—so close that he could already see her sprouting wrinkles—much to his agitation. "Hmmmm."

"Darn it, don't get to close!" _Damn! _He stepped backwards and trying his best not to show what's behind the curtain of hair on his forehead. "Get out of here and leave me alone!"

"Ehh?" She blinked. "I was just thinking that you look good today because your hair's down like that. Like, you've grown more _mature. _That's a good sign taichou!"

Toushiro blushed and covered it with a cough. Really? He looked mature in this? Maybe he should start doing this everyday. Or no, it was just a lie, and probably Rangiku has a favor to ask so she gets lovey-dovey to him again. "I don't care—at all. Why did you come here? Are you finished with your paper work?"

"Of course taichou!" She said with much conviction he almost saw her _glow_.

Silence.

Instead of asking another question as a confirmation, Toushiro marched straight towards Rangiku's office with the coldest expression he could ever muster, the shinigami following behind him with a big grin on her face.

"Well, taichou?"

"…" Hitsugaya grunted inwardly. "I—This must be a dream." Well, what is this? If this was one of Aizen's tricks with his zanpakuto, he surely must go to Unohana-taichou for psychiatric help.

He scanned the room for the third time, scrutinizing every angle he could. The papers were organized and piled neatly on the desk, all stamped. The floor was shiny and squeaky clean, he could almost see his underwear in it through his hakama… Er, scratch the last sentence off.

Really, was this Matsumoto's doing, or she had become possessed by an obsessive-compulsive and workaholic hollow? He'd hunt that hollow and have him as a pet if that's the case.

"Eh… Well… If this isn't a dream…" He turned slowly to face his fukutaichou with his arms crossed on his chest, his right brow raised.

"Hitsugaya-taichou! Can I go now, please?" Rangiku suddenly pouted. She knew Hitsugaya couldn't resist since _she _did a pretty good job on the papers. "If you let me go now, I'd double the work tomorrow!"

The captain just frowned and contemplated. He shouldn't trust Matsumoto right away, since she is, Matsumoto, and no one else. To him Matsumoto Rangiku is synonymous to lazy, trickster, and booby—wait, what? Booby?

"NO. I reckon you'd be drinking out there again. Have some shame, almost all vice-captains are at work as of the moment."

"But taichou, I drank with Kira and Hisagi yesterday, so that doesn't make me an outlier!"

A vein popped at Toushiro's forehead. So that explains the stack of papers hidden on the c.r. last night. He had to rewrite some pages because they got wet and spray on some perfume because they were freaking smelly. "I said NO. Sit on your chair and get some other thing to do."

Rangiku sighed deeply. "Fine, if there's no other way of doing this, then…" She paused and started parting her robes. Ha. See if you could resist this, Hitsugaya Toushiro.

"Matte, matte—what in the world are you doing, Matsumoto?" He blushed as he covered his eyes with his hands, but there were spaces between his fingers. He looked as if he was going to be hit by a hundred ceros.

Mental Note: Why do I have to undergo puberty for so long and have this kind of vice captain?

"Matsumoto! Stop it, you idiot! I'm not attracted to older women—" Too late. Blood slowly oozed out of his nostrils. Much of the 'not attracted' attitude.

"Fuu…." Rangiku giggled maliciously and walked towards the poor adolescent captain. She was fully aware of the difficulties he is undergoing, and no person going through puberty could stand this one. Truly, her boobies are her greatest weapon against her captain. "Captain, are you alright?"

Toushiro's head slowly began to spin as he knew where this was heading to. No way! His purity, his essence, ah—his innocent mind! All will be lost! NOO! "MAAATSSUUUUMOOTTOOOOO!"

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Ichimaru Gin stretched slovenly on the dusty floor of "The Urahara Shop", or what it used to be, after telling Matsumoto's story on his turn. Meanwhile, Urahara wanted to laugh aloud, but he can't since he's relocating all of his possessions to his awesome basement.

"Gah. It's so heavy." Ururu slightly complained with a small voice while carrying a box of goods on her shoulders, with Ginta sitting atop of it.

"Don't complain." Renji's version when he was around 8 continued chewing his bubblegum, like he was just sitting comfortably on a recliner. "Anyhow, it's not our fault our shop ended up like this."

Tessai nodded in a corner while checking the inventory. The kid had a point. If it wasn't for Urahara, Ichigo, and Gin's wise story telling then the shop wouldn't have been destroyed with thousands of fluttering cherry blossoms. He sighed.

"I asked her who really did the papers because I can't believe it myself…" Gin continued, "and found out that Hisagi-kun did for her."

"Doesn't that suck, fox-san?" Urahara came out of the inner room and leaned on the remaining door posts. Ichimaru slowly sat up and faced him, though in his face wasn't much of a change.

"Wha' sucks, sandal-hat-kun?" He stared at his fingernails. _Urgh. _He realized he's becoming as filthy as Urahara—maybe the trait's contagious.

"I mean, Rangiku-san." He fanned himself while using his sleeves to wipe sweat from his forehead. If he could only use Kidou to speed up the repair… "Doesn't it bother you that she's like that with other men?"

"Oh." He raised his voice sarcastically; though Urahara was pretty sure he heard some edginess to it. "He's not a 'man'. Whitey-kun's a boy. And I could only imagine tha' priceless look on his face while Rangiku was doing it."

"…Ahhhh…" Urahara pressed on. He was a little bit bored from all the work, thanks to the hurt ego of Kuchuki Byakuya. How did he know he was being talked about, anyway? Did he pay some spies or he was just that paranoid and his nose itches so much every time someone mentions his name? He shrugged and shook off the thought, going back to his brilliant idea about pissing Gin off.

"But aren't you hurt? Like, Rangiku-san gets _intimate _with other men?"

Ichimaru grunted inwardly, but he still had his perfect smile in place. So Urahara was provoking him out of boredom? Ha. No one beats Ichimaru when it comes to pranks. He decides to play on. "My, my. Rangiku is Rangiku… Little foxy here couldn't do anything about it." He smiled even wider.

"And why are ya askin' me about her all of a sudden? I hope ya aren't onto thinkin' that I'm sort o' into her."

Urahara sat in interest. Gin is the greatest liar there is, well, he used to be on the top, but since the silver-haired ex-traitor had some amazing surprise that even Aizen haven't predicted, he deserves it. "Oh well, you may deny it my friend, but love is stronger than steel!"

"Yea, I think so too, but Rangiku couldn't give me wha' Aizen-sama could." If his eyes were open, they would've sparkled, but no, eyes are essential in pranks and made-up stories.

Inside the room, Tessai paused on what he was doing and shifted his attention to the conversation. Ururu and Ginta appeared too, and the three of them suddenly had the urge to listen to Ichimaru Gin, pressing their ears against the divider.

"Do you think Aizen-bastard—I mean Aizen-bitch is a gay?" Ginta mouthed to Tessai, his hands cupping Ururu's mouth.

"I dunno. Let's listen." He whispered back, his glasses glistening in the dim light.

Gin felt the sudden rise of spiritual pressures nearby. _Good, _he thought. More audience. Now he thinks that he's even powerful than Aizen's hypnosis.

"Well… What could Aizen do?" Urahara was aware that he was just making up the story, but he was so bored, he would accept this. It's also like fooling Gin that he believes in him, anyway.

"He eats my balls." Ichimaru said without hesitation. Ururu and Ginta gave a sudden nosebleed; Tessai's limbs felt they were severed from his body.

"Ha! I thought so." Urahara was also feeling the unstable spurts of reiatsu around them, so instead of fooling Ichimaru, he decides to join him in his blabber. _How long could they last in listening? _He thought. It's a tag team, then.

"How was it?" The shop-keeper hid his face behind his fan and looked at the other outcast of Soul Society more intently. In an instant, Ichimaru knew what he meant.

"Oh my, it was goody-good." He talked louder to make sure that his _audience _caught it. He added sensuality on his polite tone, and anyone who could hear it would say that it was so suggestive. "I almost cried right after it because o' happiness."

"Really!" Urahara clapped his hands in a fake amazement. "It's just as I heard from Abarai-san!"

Ginta gasped aloud and dropped his hand over Ururu's mouth, and the other two covered his mouth in turn. _Free-loader? That bastard—_

"O? Wha' did he tell ya?"

"He said that Aizen likes balls! He feeds him his balls too!"

"Oh, I thought the one tha' Abarai-kun feeds is Kira!" Ichimaru frowned a bit, though he was twitching so much from preventing his loud laugh. "Ya know, Izuru likes my balls too, and they have been together in the Academy, so I thought…"

"Not only Aizen! You know how Ichigo and him do it, too!"

Tessai's thoughts went into a frenzy of _vivid _mental pictures.

_Are they saying the truth? Like hell, are they all gay?Is this Soul Society now? If that's so… then… Yamamoto-sotaichou…_

He almost vomited at the thought of 'Yamamoto' and 'Sasakibe' and 'naked' and 'balls', but he can't, or else they'd be caught listening.

"Ah, I know about tha'. Rukia-chan told me." Gin continued, occasionally sparing a glance at the shaking divider. He wonders how they are faring with it, since he himself is having a hard time not to laugh or prevent nauseating. "But have ya heard Ichigo and tha' muscled human boy—what's his name?"

"Sado-san?"

"Yeah, him. Orihime-chan swore she saw them."

Urahara paused. He was about to involve Renji and Byakuya together, but since he just had his shop destroyed, he wouldn't take chances, knowing that the kenseikan-ed clan leader is creepily omnipresent. So he thought of a more shocking thing.

"Ooohhh…" He leaned closer to whisper, but that wasn't obviously what he was aiming to do. "Are they listening?"

Ichimaru pretended to glance at the divider. Tessai, Ururu, and Ginta pretended to be as stiff as Yamamoto and lowered their reiatsus to the limit. He chuckled inwardly.

"No, I don't think so." He said aloud.

"Well… Abarai-san stayed here for a while…" Urahara added hesitation in his tone that ought to do it, though the corners of his mouth were contracting so much for a big grin. "Abarai-san… and I… that's why I know _all_ of his tattoos."

Gin gasped together with the stifled versions of the three staffs listening in the shadows. "Woah. Tha' sure is interesting, sandal-hat-kun!"

"Of course!" He clapped his hands again in feigned delight. "It was so fun I am missing it!"

"I knew it! That's why Shop Keeper doesn't have any interest in Yoroichi-san!"

Ginta pinched his nose hard, but he couldn't take it anymore. His eyeballs rolled up and looked like he was having a heart-attack, his hands were jolting upwards and it seemed like he was transforming into a hollow.

"Ginta-kun!" Ururu whispered, though blood was continually dripping from her nose. Her face was very pale and she'd soon pass out. Tessai wasn't any better. He turned like a stone, his mouth wide open while he was drooling non-stop.

Gin suddenly thought of another twist in the story. "Ya know, we could do it if ya want to!" His hand ran up in both sides of Urahara's head. At first, he was actually tempted to remove the precious hat from him, but since, they were still doing an act, he carried on.

He'd just hide his sat one of these days while he is sleeping, except that he would have to check first that it isn't glued to his head or it doesn't have tracers or spirit-links of some sort. Otherwise, his plan would fail.

Urahara got his intention, and he was sure that his staffs were looking at them through the holes of the divider, or even make one if there wasn't any.

Right he was, the three of them saw how he also held Ichimaru's head and drew closer.

"Waaaahhhh!" Ginta said and passed out.

Ururu couldn't bear it any longer too, and she looked like she had just encountered a dementor or she saw Tessai pole dancing or like all her innocence and youth was taken away from her. The poor child was scarred for life. "Kisuke-kun's a…"

She held onto Tessai's hands but she passed out too, and fell on the floor with a thud.

Tessai was the worst, he almost spurted out reiatsu enough to destroy the whole block out of shock. _How thick am I to not notice! _He thought, then had a recount of things that he and Urahara did together.

_Those private baths!_

_Those massage I give to him!_

_Whenever he hugs me out of boredom!_

_AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!_

He slightly hyperventilated, but then again, he had lost too much blood, so he fainted too and fell atop the two kids.

Ichimaru and Urahara suddenly dropped the act and shunpoed away from each other. Just the thought of how they looked was enough to give their stomachs a backflip, good thing they haven't eaten yet their lunch.

"GAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!" Urahara had his laughter explode from him, rolling on the floor like there was no tomorrow. "We—we got them!"

Gin was laughing is ass off too, tapping on the wooden floor to vent out more of his contained amusement. "Ya should've caught it on tape!"

"I did! There's a camera back there!" He said, his mirth finally going down as he panted. "Hey, did you really mean that? You and Aizen?"

"Wha' about ya? About ya and Abarai-kun?"

"No, of course not!" He began fanning himself again, still breathless. He stopped when he saw Gin nod.

"Yeah, I did feed him my balls." He opened his eyes and gave him the evil-est grin. "Caramel Peach balls. In Hueco Mundo. They are yummy, and Izuru taught me how to do them. I hadda scare the life out o' him so I could get the recipe for tha'."

Urahara breathed a sign of relief. "Wooh. You almost got me back there." He said, then rushed to the inner room to find his three almost-lifeless, scarred for life staffs. "…but you sure got them."

Ichimaru sighed at content. "I know." Yeah right, no one could beat the prank master. He wouldn't be feared by the Espada for nothing. "I just wonder what they'll do if they see Kurosaki-kun and that Sado."

Days later…

Ichigo had some free time from his part time work and Urahara Shoten was nearby, so he decided to pay a visit. He was still feeling a bit guilty for what happened, since it's his revelation of Byakuya's secret that caused the destruction of the shop.

"Urahara-san?" He sat on the dusty floor, shaking his head left and right with a big scowl on his face.

The filthy man emerged from the pile of boxes and goodies, while Ichimaru was lying cozily on the futon and appeared he was sleeping. He wasn't sure though, that punk always keeps his eyes closed in that creepy manner.

"Why, Kurosaki-kun! Nice to have you back!" He greeted his visitor and almost gave him a cheek-to-cheek.

"…I was just checking things out." He said with a sigh.

"Is anything wrong?" Urahara said while preparing tea. His staffs are always nowhere to be found nowadays. He'd surely deduct their salaries.

"…Those twerps Ururu and Ginta…"

"Oh?" A bell rang inside his head. "What of it?"

"Nah, forget it. They—urgh. They called me gay and ran away like hell, even that Tessai." He glared at the shop keeper and at the sleeping ex-shinigami then shrugged hopelessly.

"_Where_ did they get that bullshit from?"

Urahara was almost unsuccessful at preventing at the itch in his throat that ought to be a laugh, but he successfully turned it into a cough. "Urgh. Excuse me." He raised his hands like defending himself.

"…I really don't get _where _those get those things… maybe from watching t.v." He raised his fan up to his face to hide a big smile that was just inevitable.

* * *

So how was it? Do I have the skills to continue writing under the crack genre? Give me reviews to let me now. ^^


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